Wharfedale Development 53-0 A-Team – Match Report

The bus was booked and the beer was ready but as everyone knows victories away at Wharfedale are as rare as rocking horse droppings. We had 21 down to play but when it came to getting on the bus we had a mere 13. So we were delayed getting to the Dale’s as we had to take several detours driving round Huddersfield dragging lazy arse, tax dodging students out of bed!

We did however have some positives. He had Pete Hampshire back from injury, adding both height and a little extra weight to the pack. However he strangely didn’t have a female carer with him this week, this was clearly an omen. Only the gods would know whether it was good or bad. This paired with new signing Justin, aka Tyson Fury. He’s around 6’5” and has a huge scar over his head. When I asked him how it happened he informed me that he is an ex-paratrooper and he had to have his skull removed!? So I’m pretty sure he’s escaped from the local asylum and can’t rightly remember much since the lobotomy! However, he had a bottle of rum and a very rare commodity, a fan! Not just any fan either, but a member of ZZ top. Leighton had been overlooked in the first team this week so he had come to play properly and have a beer or two.

We arrived late at Wharfedale with 18 men. They immediately asked if we could bring kick-off forward by 15 minutes. They were rightly told to sod right off, clearly trying to cheat even before kick-off. We warmed up badly, However, Leighton led the line out warm-up, starting to show confidence and leadership.

I lost the toss and we set off. We kicked off playing down the slight slope. Playing reasonably well for the first 15 minutes but after too many turnovers we conceded a well-worked try. It was very clear that it wasn’t a third-team we were playing against. We again played well but under immense pressure. But poor rucking and more turnovers again cost us dearly. The first 37 minutes were to be theirs. However in. the last play of the first half we had a great passage of play. With around seven charges and offloads, but sadly spilling the ball just before the try line.

So we went into the break down 19-0. Changes were made but up hill in the second half was clearly going to be a challenge. We had promising patches but when I got yellow carded on 50 minutes it was clear there was no coming back. We battled on bravely but not even Parry’s famous 10 crash was enough to get us on the score board. We tried a quick tap for Angus to charge onto but he declined as he was a bit tired. Leighton had a couple of promising half breaks. But the game ended 53-0 on 71 minutes because the ref fancied a pint. So we had a shower and went to the bar.

Angus was punished for his cowardice and Wharfedale picked Leighton as our man of the match. So true to form they came fourth and third respectively in the downing race. Clearly, it was not our day. So we waved goodbye to the sheep and onto the bus we went for a few cans and a bit of a sing-song. We stopped off at a pleasant pub in Skipton where we completely ruined a poor young lads dream tinder date. After this we popped into a bar which appeared to be like Narnia. Then back to the bus for a few more ales. When we got back to the club we were pleasantly surprised to find it lively with festivities and DJ Milner doing his bit.

All in all, not a bad way to spend your Saturday.

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